I promised myself another post today, and so here it is.
It's hard for me to write posts, or update my facebook status, or whatever, when I'm feeling low. I guess I just read other people's negative posts and think, wow, that person sounds so sad! But often it's just that that person had a moment of negative thoughts, and they took the opportunity to spit it on on the computer for the whole world to see, and I wonder how you move on from the negativity?
(sorry for the run-on sentence, but I lack the energy for editing tonight)
However, I know that I often feel better when I can voice my frustrations, and I can often come to an understanding of why I have those feelings and grow from that.
For example:
Last night was kind of shitty, and this morning got even worse. I knew I needed to talk to my mom, because, like, duh.
It felt so good to talk about what was bothering me (as well as a lot of stuff that was just interesting to talk about) and it helped me realize a few things. One thing I discovered is that two of my friends, while I love them both dearly, when combined, trigger the feelings of inadequacy I felt as a child growing up with an older brother and sister who were, let's face it, smarter than me in a lot of ways. These are feelings that I don't need to be having anymore, so recognizing that that's what was happening can help me prevent it in the future.
So, there it is. I still feel crappy. But I can hope that tomorrow will be better.
And I don't plan on updating my FB status with some negative BS just so I can spend all day tomorrow responding to peoples a)worried comments or b) similarly negative comments about their own lives.
Are any of us dying of hunger? Or loneliness for that matter? No? Than I think we have a lot to be positive about.
And I'm leaving you with some early Christmas Music. I know, I know. But when I feel down I listen to Christmas music. And my thinking on this one is that it's about Jesus as a baby, and he had to be a baby for more than just the one night!
I've always loved the Neal and Leandra version of this, but I just downloaded (for free!) some Christmas music from Sara Groves and that's what I'm listening to right now, so please listen with me!
Today was a very sad day. My head hurts from all the crying and snuffling. It is the kind of loss that makes those of us who have faith in God question that faith. But then today at little baby Fox's memorial service I was reminded of who I think God truly is. The seats were filled with people from many walks of life; people that the media and many politicians try to devalue and degrade. But those people were there with a common purpose - to mourn and comfort together for a life lost too soon.
This is a song I've found really comforting the last few days. I'm not sure I feel the performance is quite as sorrowful as Gordon Bok's original, but this was the best one on YouTube.
Tonight was the big dinner celebration for my church's centennial. It was a big todo, and I saw many dear friends... but that's not really what i want to discuss.
I was thinking tonight that I am a church baby. When I was a baby I was, most likely, past from hand to hand, lap to lap, among the people of our church. I recall helping to collate, fold and staple mailings in the church office from a young age... and then being taken to the subway on Nicollet ave. with my mom for lunch by the minister.
Any of this sounding familiar yet?
After confirmation I was snatched up by the Mission Board to serve as a committee member as a 9th grader (I remember feeling very unqualified to determine where money should be spent, and switched to the music and arts board as soon as I could!).
I sang in church, I asked for prayers and made announcements. I was active in youth group and choir and babysat for many families in our community. Eventually I even subed as secretary during the summer months.
If you are a church baby, you know what I'm talking about.
And I realized that once I have quit working as a church secretary, I'm going to need church more than I have in recent years. Without the familiar sense of wacky community and tradition based organization, I know I would flounder and maybe lose my way.
So wish me luck in Maine. I may have to do a little church shopping to find the right temporary church home.
It's been awhile, so I'm gonna try and jump back in with a Friday Five, a little late in the day (but cut me some slack - I had to get the bulletin done first!)
If you're ever in a jam, here I am.If you're ever in a mess, S.O.S.If you're so happy, you land in jail. I'm your bail.It's friendship, friendship, just a perfect blendship.When other friendships are soon forgot, ours will still be hot.
Rev. Songbird at RevGalBlogPals writes: I'm thinking a lot about friends these days, the ones who rush to you in times of trouble, with a casserole or a socket wrench or an invitation for coffee or lunch or a trip to the foot sanctuary. We meet friends in school or on the playground or at church or in the workplace and even on the Internet. Even as blogging has experienced some decline, the community here has been strong. For today's Friday Five, some questions about friendship. 1) Who is the first friend you remember from childhood? This may be cheating a little, because I vaguely remember playing with other children before this, but these are the first three real friends I remember. Real because they were who I first remember having that feeling of “Oh, I have to tell ____ about that as soon as I see them!” They were Phil, who lived down the block from me, and Lynn and Sharon who lived near by, were in my kindergarten class and later brownies. I have lost touch with Phil over the years, though when I have run into him I still think I had good taste in friends as a three year old! Lynn and Sharon are still two of my best friends – Sharon and I went out for drinks this last week, and I realized that I don’t just like hanging out with her because she’s known me most of my life, but because she is genuinely fun and down to earth and makes me laugh!
2) Have you ever received an unexpected gift from a friend? My BFFffff, Lydia, is one of the sweetest people in the world. Seriously. Take your grandma and multiply the sweetness. When Lyd was in college down in Iowa, we hardly ever got to see each other (compounded by the fact that she is my polar opposite, as I am sloth-like and she is a continuous ball of energy, so she is always on the go!). But she would sneakily put little notes with quotes, sometimes biblical, into my purse or school binders so that I wouldn’t find them right away. It always seemed that I would find them just when I needed her, which was a wonderful gift.
3) Is there an old friend you wish you could find again? Or have you found one via social media or the Internet? I have certainly reconnected with many old friends via facebook, but none that I have really been able to reform a strong bond with. I have one friend who I would love to get in touch with, another brownie pal, but she doesn’t appear to be on the interwebs. However, the silly thing is that her family’s name is theirs alone and her parents are listed – I could even just drive to their house since it’s the one she grew up in. But for some reason and I never reach out that far…
4) Do you like to get your good friends together in a group, or do you prefer your friends one on one? I do like group activities once and a while (karaoke anyone?), but I really like hanging out with just one or two friends at a time. I am a Capricorn through and through, so I don’t have that many good friends to begin with.
5) Does the idea of Jesus as a friend resonate with you? Yes and no. Yes when I sing songs like What a Friend We Have in Jesus. I guess it really feels more abstract… when Lydia does something so kind for me, or Sharon asks me how I’m doing, wanting to know the real answer, I see and feel Jesus in those actions, the actions of friends.
No because I often feel a bit maternal towards him. Is that weird? Maybe it’s just the Christmas fever I’ve got talking, but first Jesus is this little baby who, like all babies, reminds us of what it means to be human, bringing it down to a basic, primal level. Then Jesus grows up and says, “whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.” And that makes me think of the way we try to help cloth and feed the poor and bring comfort to the suffering, which are all acts that connect me with my maternal nature. So yeah, I guess part friend part child part parent… man, that Jesus gets around!
the picture above is Lydia and me out to lunch during her graduation weekend
So much going on lately, sheesh! I'm really only posting this because I am putting off writing an email to the director of one of our projects, because I really dislike her and just want to be done with this project already so I never have to speak to her again!!!! ugh.
School is...meh. But there's only two weeks left, so like my mom always says, "in two weeks it'll be over, no matter what happens!"
This coming Saturday we are having a BIG party to celebrate the end of the year. It's gonna be pretty epic since we are starting at 2pm and going to at least 2am!
And speaking of Epic, we're all trying to make sure we have everything perfect by May 14th so we can submit to the EPIC Fest, the film fest our student club puts on at the end of the year to highlight student work (that's on May 30th). We are having it at the Bedlam Theater, which is a fabulous location and I can't wait!!
Meanwhile, I went up to Luck this last weekend for my great-Aunt and Uncle's estate sale where I scored a ton of awesome stuff, including a salad keeper and a covered cake pan!! Saawweett!!
Tomorrow the community choir I have been singing with will be doing our first full concert of the year for a retirement home, so I'm pretty pumped about that. That's where the title of this post came from because we are singing a 60s medley that includes "Going to the Chapel" ... Birds all sing. as. if they knew!
Anyway, it's time to bite the bullet and write that email. I probably won't be back for a couple weeks, so have a good one!!
Song Bird posted over at RevGalBlogPals for this week's Friday Five (go to the link for the DL on the impetus for the theme)
...here are five questions about packing to go on a trip.
1) Some fold, some roll and some simply fling into the bag. What's your technique for packing clothes? I like to fold. Before I worked in retail I would role, but then I developed almost an anxiety over clothes that don't sit in a nice little stack.
2) The tight regulations about carrying liquids on planes makes packing complicated. What might we find in your quart-size bag? Ever lose a liquid that was too big? I've never lost a liquid - I traveled once recently with only a carry-on, and since it was only for a weekend, it was pretty easy to put things in little tiny containers. The liquids I can't do without are: Aveda's Scalp Benefits Shampoo, Aveda's Smooth Infusion hair stuff (and now that I do my hair curly some days, the Curl Enhancer), face lotion and my neutrogena liquid make-up. I also throw in my other make-up just in case because I would die if they took my lipstick away!!
3) What's something you can't imagine leaving at home? My phone charger. I did that at Christmas. I was able to use my aunt's until she went home, but when I stayed on a few more days, it was awful! All my friends wanted to text about my upcoming party and I had to have my phone off most of the time!
4) Do you have a bag with wheels? I do. I got a set of three bags back when I was getting ready to come home from New York. They are sand colored and both the bog suitcase and the medium size one which, which is like a duffle bag, have wheels. Very nice, except I don't really need the pull out handle on the big one since it is almost as tall as my waist, so I just drag it by the regular handle!
5) What's your favorite reading material for a non-driving trip (plane, train, bus, ship)? Well, I get motion sickness from reading too much, so I stick to magazines for the plane that I can browse through in the few minutes when electronic devices are not allowed. My favorites are Real Simple, Ready Made (DIY tips) and Paste (music, art, film...culture stuff). Otherwise, I'm really more of an iPod user... music, podcasts, tv shows.
Well, this definitely makes me want to take a trip! But the next one on the forecast for me isn't till August But that will be a fun one!!
And in honor of that trip, here's a song about traveling from one of my favorite Michigan artists - Dar Williams!
EDIT: I also just posted on my Experience the Immersion blog - check it out!
It’s snowing like a banshee, but I don’t seem to mind.
The snow seems to have a time warp affect, which makes me feel as though I am inside a snow globe where the day flies by, but outside time is standing still.
The weather also makes me want to socialize, oddly enough.Wanting what I can’t have?
My new phone… so exciting!Could this be the end of forgotten engagements and wasted time on the bus?!
Family… with Mommy and Daddy working, I can no longer pretend that they still live a few miles away.Seeing a movie with the Comrade only made me long for those summer days of going to matinees in almost empty theaters even more.Radio silence from Cordelia Knits – just her way of getting things done.
School… how long before I’m done again?How can it be that in only 4 months I’ll have helped produce and edit two short films, as well as put on a student showcase?No rest for the wicked… or something like that.
Having supervisor’s seek and appreciate my input is a highlight in my week when it happens.I feel like this is both contrary to my generation’s reputation to thinking everything they do is amazing, and right in line with our propensity to be happiest when authority figures are pleased with us.
That’s it for now.Just kind of felt like sayin some stuff… probably because I am deprived of having my daily stream of consciousness conversations with Mommy!
"In the Beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God" - John 1:1
Yesterday was the first day of Advent, and my present was a very sparkly advent calendar! The thing I especially like about this calendar is that when you open the door it not only has a cute little picture, but a bible verse on the back of the door - the above was from Dec. 1st.
I like that John opens this way, because it reminds me of the way many oral storytelling traditions begin, with some sort of salutation or commitment to a higher power. A modern use of this can be seen in Iranian films which began (are required to begin) with "In the name of God"
I would like to begin my films in some similar way - just an acknowledgment of something greater then me having an influence on my storytelling and my art.
That's it for now since I'm borrowing a friend's computer and he needs to go.
You may or may not know that I am somewhat obsessed with shows about serial killers. I have no idea why, but I'm sure one of the profilers on my current favorite show, Criminal Minds, could tell me.
Tonight they went to Mexico to solve a crime - I'll spare you the details since they have not much to do with this post, and you may be eating while reading.
At the end of the episode, they had a Mexican proverb (I should have googled to see if it's real, but it doesn't really matter).
The proverb went, "The house does not stand on the ground, it stands on a woman."
This really struck me because not only have I had a number of changes in my life, including my home, recently, but some women close to me have as well. Yesterday, my mom, AuntieKnickers blogged about her mom and how well she handled moving around throughout her adult life. It strikes me that their house - their home - was built upon her shoulders, and so it did not matter where they were physically, as long as they had her holding them up.
Because of the way my life is set up right now, I have to be able to carry my home with me, whether it's because I am moving permanently, or just housesitting for friends. This always feels a little scary, but after it's done, I never know what I was worried about. Someone close to me (you probably know who...) has been having a lot of upheavals in her life recently, and I think she would probably make some beautiful piece of art work out of this proverb right now. She is learning not only how to carry her home with her, but what that home looks like, what it feels like. The hardest part about this maybe that you cannot be prepared to learn this lesson. It is not something that you plan on happening, and most of us probably think we've already got it figured out - I think she did, and I usually do until something goes wonky and the foundation I thought I built strong starts to crumble.
I like this proverb a lot, but I think if I were re-writing it I would say that "...the house sits on the family". Sometimes that family is your given family, and sometimes your chosen, but no matter who you are... even Wonder Woman had Wonder Girl backing her up. I don't think My grandmother could have held up her house without the love and support of her family.
Today was a busy day for me, though not as busy as tomorrow will be, but I still didn't get everything done I meant too (more on why later).
First I had my first day of my internship with Werc Werk Works - and as I my friends said, I work work worked! Basically I helped one of the producers transcribe interview footage for better organizing and an easier edit down the line. Because the company is new, it is definitely an all hands on deck mentality, which makes me happy to be there, because I feel like I am actually helping, not just doing busy work! Plus, the receptionist is super nice and offers to get me coffee! Not that I would ask her to do that, cause that'd be weird and totally not necessary; but like AuntieKnickers said, it's nice not to be the one getting coffee at an internship!
So, after my morning at the internship, I hopped a bus straight to school and commenced with my post-production work... well, "work" my be a bit strong. Honestly, none of us are really 'feelin' it when it comes to our current projects, so we kind of mosey along when it comes to editing.
Anyway, I did do some work, but I also had some fun chats with friends. Lately, my friends have been teasing me, calling me a Hardcore Christian. Now, the funny thing is that a year or two ago, this would have really bothered me. I had a real problem even calling myself a christian, let alone talking openly with school friends about my church life.
Now, I have this kind of peace with it. I recognize that I am, and always will be, on a journey, trying to figure out what I can do to share and be thankful for the blessings I have. And I think that one way for me to do that is by not shaming myself about my faith.
And I think that's also largely how I can share my blessings, because it often seems like people my age (and slightly younger) only of two kinds of faith - Hardcore Christian faith and Faith in Nothing. I like the idea that I could broaden their concepts in that way.
Oh, and back to that not having time... I'm afraid there is a sort of illness going through my new place - at least, my roommie's GF was sick, and he skipped class today because he didn't feel well, and although I've been doing a lot to try and stay well, I am craving chicken soup and orange juice and sleep.
So, the sleepiness kept me from doing things I should have, but there you are. It happens. I'll leave you with some photos of my chicken soup - made from scratch last night - and some of my editing classmates. Enjoy!
Auntie Knickers has encouraged me to try and write a blog post everyday this month. Since I'm not doing anything else, I guess I will.
Wait, what? That's not right. I'm pretty sure I have a lot to do.
But I'm going to try and do it anyway, since interesting things are finally happening!
Here are some highlights from the past month to catch you up:
School continues - I am taking 4 classes this semester including American Government and Politics (fulfilling my last gen ed requirement) which is very interesting, though difficult since it is in a basement classroom with bad lighting at the end of a very long day. sigh. but we went to a town hall meeting on healthcare last week, and saw lots of educated, middle-class, white people agree with each other. yay! (that was sarcasm)
Church responsibilities abound - honestly, I am becoming more and more disillusioned with my church community, which is sad and frustrating, and maybe I'll write all about it another day. But in the meantime, I am still on the Christian Education board and am the organizer for a monthly movie night through the music and arts board (we watched Bell, Book and Candle for the first one, but don't even get me started...) The CE held our Halloween Party, complete with Haunted House run by the junior high students (that should say high school students as well, but none showed up. rant for another day: teenagers who don't have time for community)
Moving- A few weeks ago I moved out of Comrade Landlord's house and in with a friend from school... hmm, it may take a few days to come up with a good name for him. The house is owned by his mom, so rent is crazy reasonable. There have been a few renovations going on there, but nothing I can't handle. Winifred seems to be settling in well, though I'll let her tell you about it on her own blog. Last night I moved my ottoman into my room and I now have a cozy little reading nook! I also get a room in the basement for all my crafting and storage. Oh! And the best part, perhaps, is that my roommate works nights, so it is like living by myself most of the time, and hanging out with friends the rest of the time! (can you tell I like the new place? woot!)
And More! There's been a lot more, I just can't remember all of it... working on editing first big project for school...starting pre-production on second project called 'Snip'... behind on papers (as usual)...new boss at work (did I talk about her yet?)...oh yeah! and a new camera, so this blog will start to be a bit more interesting!
So, here's how this month of blogging is gonna go - since I have two blogs, I will sometimes post here, and sometimes on my FilmAching blog. Be sure to look there tomorrow, since I will be posting about the most exciting thing to happen EVER!
Singing Owl at RevGalBlogPals gives this week’s Friday Five about Autumn:
“Let us fear the LORD our God, who gives autumn and spring rains in season, who assures us of the regular weeks of harvest. Jeremiah 5:23b
The Autumnal Equinox has just come 'round again. I took a look back at our Friday Fives and noted that it always seems to make the Rev Gals and their Pals think of changes.
There is something so nostalgic about this time of year, at least in the Northern Hemisphere. The nights grow cooler, crops are harvested, for some of us the leaves are beginning to change colors. The scent of smoke is in the air, pumpkins are in the stores (or on wagons, or in roadside stands for those of us in the country). I'm thinking of putting away my summer clothes and pulling out the sweaters. And I have a tub of Fall-themed items that my husband just lugged up from the basement. I'm looking for my scarecrow.
For this week, let's share some memories along with some hopes and expectations.”
1. Share a Fall memory.
I remember a lot of contemplation from my childhood, though my guess is that those who knew me as a child would not have known I was thinking that much!In the autumn, I loved to kneel on a chair in the living room, looking out the big window at the cars driving through the rain.There was always music playing; sometimes Enya or Priscilla Herdman (just downloaded one of her cds onto my computer yesterday because it felt like fall!), but I recall one time in particular when Pachebel’s Canon was playing and it just felt perfect.That memory is one of the happy places I go when I’m feeling low.
2. Your favorite Fall clothes--(past or present)?
I just moved my fall and winter clothes box to my new place, because I knew I had enough to cover me if it turned cold (we’ve had some really hot days lately).The box is clear, so I could peek inside - a little bubble of excitement popped inside me!I saw my wool cloak which I like to wear to church.It is brown with an orange and golden-yellow geometric design.I also saw some cool weather tunics, which look cute with narrow legged jeans and boots…. Basically, I like all my Fall clothing!But that’s what happens when you live in a state that’s cold 9 months out of the year!
3. Share a campfire story, song, experience...etc.
So many of my memories from childhood are of camping, sitting around the campfire, hearing silly and scary stories, or just talking about all sorts of things really, so much so that it would be hard to pick just one!But really, although Christmas is the time I think the most about my extended family, Fall is the time that reminds me most of my nuclear family – going to the Downtown library on a rainy day with my mom, hiking through the woods on the lookout for deer with my dad, endlessly harassing my brother and sister for inclusion In their ‘big kid’ worlds… it reminds me of how blest I was, even with all the struggles we had, that I was so loved, so assuredly.
And this reminds me of the passage above.There were things to be afraid of for me as a child, and I was afraid and worried frequently.And yet, I never questioned if I was loved; it went without saying that we would be there for each other.And that’s really what this passage says to me about God – the power of creation may frighten us at times, but it should also prove to us how deep and wide God’s love for us goes, and that she will always be there for us.
4. What is your favorite thing about this time of year?
The weather, of course… Fall really has become my favorite season, and for more reasons than just the weather, but even though I had to rush back upstairs to find my long forgotten umbrella this morning, another little bubble of excitement popped when I heard the noise of cars driving past my house in the rain… (see above)
5. What changes are you anticipating in your life, your church, family...whatever...as the season changes and winter approaches?
There have already been some changes in our family, and they will continue to take time for healing and adjusting.I am moving in a few weeks, which is a change that affects the whole family, since I have been living with my brother and sister-in-law.Also, I have taken on some new and not so new responsibilities for this fall, and that is a little scary, but I’ve made up my mind to say no to any further requests!
Bonus: What food says "AUTUMN" at your house? Recipes always appreciated.
I only like soup when it’s cold outside, so I always look forward to appreciating my favorite soup again – butternut squash!Unfortunately, I am lazy and usually get the kind in a can or box, or go to Wolfgang Puck Express for theirs!
I also, like my mom, feel like eating aeblekage, but you can go to AuntieKnickers blog to learn about that!
Here’s an extra bonus of my own, BOOKS and MOVIES:
I have a book and a movie that are mandatory for fall. The book is one from a local Minneapolis writer (who as far as we can tell, only wrote the one book), and is a young adult novel about a boy who moves from Minneapolis to a farm in Pennsylvania….where he meets the ghost of his ancestor just in time for Halloween!It’s called The Riddle of Penncroft Farm, by Dorothea Jensen
The film I have to watch is Baby Boom with Diane Keaton.It is so deliciously 80s and there is a great montage of the fall when she is working in the orchard and making babyfood and then driving around Vermont selling it… I rent it every year!
In junior high my sister played Mrs. Mae Peterson in Bye Bye Birdie. I remember hanging around the gym/auditorium after school when she had rehearsals (I loved being the center of attention as a cute little 2nd grader) and I was so in awe of her performance. I also remember the first time I was conscious of my own suspension of disbelief.
She entered from the back of the gym, behind the audience. I must have seen her do it a dozen times in rehearsal. And yet, when those doors opened and she called out, "Yooooouuu whhoooo!!?? Sonny Boy? Albert!" I spun around with the rest of my classmates.
What's happening now? Who's that old woman? Albert doesn't look happy to see her!
Afterwards, I was astounded that it hadn't even occurred to me that it was my sister. I was so wrapped up in the story and the characters that I was able to turn off the part of my brain that said, "that's the old fur shawl she found at the church rummage sale" or "wow, her cat eye glasses really do fit the part!"
I live a lot of my life turning on and off my suspension of disbelief. Tonight I watched two of my new fav TV shows. One is about an astronaut crew in the future (Defying Gravity) and the other about a model who dies, only to come back in the body of a plus size lawyer (who's assistant is Margaret Cho! how lucky is that!?) (oh, and that show is Drop Dead Diva). These plot lines are so completely implausible, unrealistic, silly even. And yet, when I'm watching them, I turn that part of brain off and I fall in love with the characters and devote myself to their lives for half an hour or so.
But sometimes, the ability to turn off parts of your self is a bad thing. Sometimes, it makes you miss the old lady calling out to you....
Lately I've been imagining God as an old woman from some small immigrant community. She's a small woman in stature, but she makes up for it in her voice and all-around power. You can sit there, going about your life, trying to ignore her, but eventually the nagging wears you down and you have to turn - "Yes! What IS it, Mother?!"
You are cross. She is cross. It looks bad.
But then she looks at you with a sheepish grin - "But Sweety, I only want what's best for you..."
I've been sitting here, trying to ignore that calling voice for a long time. Sometimes I would pretend to answer it, trying to satisfy her with half-commitments and empty promises, but eventually I realized, she really does only want what's best for me.
And the funny thing is, once I answered the call, once I turned around and said, "OK, what do you need me to do?" She replied with, "Oh, you know, just keep it in mind. What you're doing is good, I just want to know that you know that I know that you know that I have plans for you."
Yes, Mother. I know. I'm ready to answer the call. When the time comes.
I'm spending this weekend in Grand Rapids, MI, where I am a delegate to the 27th General Synod of The United Church of Christ. We are doing a lot and having a lot of fun along the way!
I'm having a crisis of faith. Not my faith in God or my theology, mind you. No, I'm speaking of my faith in human decency.
I'm sorry to say I am prone to this particular crisis - it's one of the reasons I choose not to watch the news or read the newspaper on a daily basis. There's always something horrible going on to inspire doubt in my fellow humans; a car bomb here, a kidnapping there, and just plain disregard for human life.
Admittedly, my current crisis stems from a more personal place. But then, I also believe that a crime against one is a crime against all...
Gay Marriage. It's been on my mind a lot because I am doing a group project for my English class on the topic. Out of 5 people, one of our group is opposed, and there doesn't seem to be any way to get through to her. We present on July 9th, so I'm trying to hold out hope. But then, it's not just her. We surveyed the class, and almost everyone else is opposed.
It makes me want to scream and cry. I simply don't understand how these kids can think they have the right to make these hate filled decisions for everyone else.
One part that's eating away at me right now because I feel so awful about thinking/feeling this way is that many of my classmates are immigrants. I am whole-heartedly in favor of immigration...except when those immigrants want to then impose on my civil liberties. This is America, and there are plenty of countries around the world that don't have equality as the backbone to their structure, but we do, so why do you live here? (and yes, I realize that this may be one of the few places they could live... but ... ? ... maybe one of the reasons they can live here is because we try to respect human life and uphold our constitution that states that all men are created equally and have the right to the pursuit of happiness, so shoudn't they in turn respect that?) I also will never understand how people, often Christians, can think it's their job to 'save' others from sin. What do you care? Besides all the other blatent ways in which this goes against the teachings of Jesus - let he who is without sin cast the first stone and all that - seriously, what do you care if I go to hell if you don't think you will? You want some extra brownie points when you get to heaven? Feed the poor. Adopt an orphan. Donate blood. Give change to and smile at that homeless guy, regardless of what you think he's going to spend it on. Pick up litter.
There are so many ways to love God by loving others without HATING anyone.
I was also extremely disturbed by a comment made by a woman in my class, with whom I'd had a conversation about church the class before - "I'm a DEVOUT Christian, so I just know it's wrong." It felt as though she were saying that I wasn't a real Christian and that I am somehow intellectually inferior because I don't "know" it's wrong. Sorry, I don't know it's wrong. I don't know it's right either. I don't know much in fact. I just try to live and love in a way that makes me feel less hopeless. For all I know, God's a giant chicken.
And on that note, something silly to try and cheer myself up.
"Anomalously, there was a lawnmower sandwiched between the Bibles. (Now, there’s a writing class exercise: Take that last sentence and create a reasonable context for it.)"
And I thought, Yes, that would be a good writing exercise. And seeing as how it's Memorial Day and I am at work with an empty stomach I'm trying to distract, I thought I'd give it a shot.
So, here you go!
All she could recall were books. When friends asked her about childhood pets or toys, she would reply with statements such as, “We had a big red dog” or “I had a velveteen rabbit I just adored.” She knew these to be true, though not quite accurate. Her friends, from slightly less literate families, never seemed to pick up on her little un-truths, as she liked to call them.
Every room had a bookcase, at least one. She often found it odd that the one room devoid of reading material was the bathroom – one of the few rooms where books could be found in playmates houses. Even the garage, rarely, if ever, used for storing cars, and even less often used for building and repairing, held volumes of friends. These garage rejects were often the result of duplication purchasing, something her mother was known to do at the local rummage sales. There were no less then three copies of Moby Dick, Oliver Twist and Goodnight Moon.
Most off putting to the friends that came to explore this strange library were the Bibles. They thought it most irreverent to store these holy books in such an unusual place. Unlike the novels and encyclopedias, the Bibles were all lined up together, neat and tidy. She had designed this space for the Bibles specifically, hunting throughout the piles of hard covers and paperbacks for the red or black bindings that spoke of faith. Anomalously, there was a lawnmower sandwiched between the Bibles. No one was ever sure why she had chosen the location surrounding the lawnmower for her shrine, but that was the way she liked it. The Bibles became her territory, as did the lawnmower, and thus began her love of reading, religion and landscaping.
Well, I've been busy since getting back from Seattle. On Monday my flight landed at 3:30, but they didn't let us off the plane till 4. Then I had to rush home and drop off my luggage and then back on the bus to go to class! It was Acting for the Camera, and we shot a page long break-up scene. It was actually the funnest class we've had so far this semester, and I got to act as well as direct.
On Tuesday I had work and then class and then had to pick up equipment, transport it to my church and then get the hourcar back to it's parking garage all during a very rainy day! On Wednesday I went to work, had to stay late to wait for a delivery, which made me late to class, where I realized I had not finished my project that was due, so during the break I had to fix one thing and then burn it to DVD. But then I screened it and it was well received. After class I went to my church and along with the help of Comrade Landlord and a classmate, filmed an interview for the Stewardship Documentary I'm working on. That night I decided the film I had shown in class wasn't quite right, so I spent some time reworking it and figuring out how to post it to facebook (after writing this I'm going to put it up on my FilmAching blog).
On Thursday I borrowed my aunts car for the day and sent out the newsletter at work, picked up and returned the equipment and went to class. Then I picked up my aunt from work and went out and had some dessert while she had dinner.
Next I went home and watched the latest episode of my new favorite TV show, Kings. It's like a post-modern Shakespearean history. And I really mean POST-modern, because it takes place in a fictitious world, not unlike our own, but I think somewhat post-apocalyptic. Anyway, I love the drama, and the "fools" played by the two guards are very Gildenstern and Rosenkrantz-like.
Anyway, this morning we did a sound recording in my sound for image class, and now I am blogging. SO there! that's my week!
remember to check out my video! And I will post pictures from Seattle soon, I promise!
Walking in Seattle today, I got the feeling that the entire city is under construction. (It's not) Part of this is, I'm sure, due to the shift of seasons - construction season has begun across the country. But I knew that couldn't be all of it... and then I saw them, I mean, really saw them.
Wires.
Running above the streets, holding up traffic lights, random cables strung between lamp posts.
Living in the mid-west where our soil is soft and our landscape flat, the only time you see wires like this is when something's under construction.
The architecture had its affect on me as well. It feels different then what I think of as Minneapolis architecture, with a much stronger asian influence - I don't know why I think that it has an asian influence, I just do - and the thing is that we have a lot of similar bulidings back home, built in the last 10 years or so. But many of these buildings are condos, and because of the economy and what not, they stand half empty, the fussiness spaces devoid of anything other than concrete. It's been like that for a few years now, so I guess when I see sleek looking asian influenced condo buildings, I think no one lives there.
But Seattle is still one of the most expensive places to live, even with the recession, and though I don't know much about economics, I I think I have a good grasp on the supply and demand theory - If people didn't demand the living spaces in Seattle, the supply would stay the same (or grow like in mpls) and prices would go down...
so, that's my first bit of "noticing" in Seattle, it appears to be under construction to me, but really it's not, I'm just not used to the landscape.
p.s. I got drenched yesterday in a 15 min downpour. crazy! ... but kind of nice in it's own way.
Thought I should post a little, since I haven't done so for a while, but not sure hat to write about...hmmm...
Well, here's what's been going on:
School: I'm taking four classes (one of which meets twice a week) and I really enjoy all of them, which is great. That's not to say that they all go well all the time - a crummy test score here, a poor filming job there - but I feel pretty stuffed with information at the end of the week.
Church: I am now on three committees; CE, Stewardship, Centennial Planning. I like being on committees and helping to plan events and what not, but it also means being required to go to church certain Sundays, which I find makes me want to go less. I take that as proof that I should not be a minister.
Gym: I got a membership to the YWCA in January and have been going pretty regularly. But, I was having a hard time going everyday because i can talk my self out of things pretty easily. So I made a Lenten Devotion out of it. I decided that for Lent I am going to go to the Gym at least 5 days a week. The first week didn't go so well. I was super sick and since it was hard to breath out of my nose, I decided it better to use the time for sleep. But this week I've been feeling quite a bit better, and I went Mon. through Thurs. and am going to go today, too! On Tuesdays and Thrusdays I have a class called Chisel! (there's really an exclamation point) I like i a lot. It's strength training with some cardio built in and it changes every time s I never get bored. Plus we listen to music that has a good beat to keep you going.
I discovered that music is the most important part of my workout - surprise surprise. I went a few weeks without an iPod, and I couldn't believe how hard it was to get going on the exercise bike, not to mention keep going! Now I am figuring out which songs are the best to keep me motivated and moving fast. I can't wait for my MNCare stuff to pull through so I can go to the doctor. I really want to know what the deal is with heart rate, cause I have to work really hard to get my heart rate up on the bike.
Travel: I decided I needed a vacation, and what with Spring Break coming up, I decided to do something fun, just for me! So I booked a plane ticket and a hotel for Seattle!
OK, I know a lot of people go to sunny beaches for S.B., but really, does that sound like something I want to do? Instead, I'm going to a city near the ocean, a walkable downtown and lots of fun cultural stuff. So far my most exciting plan is to see Wings of Desire at the Seattle International Film Festival Cinema, and maybe a few other films as well. (Don't worry, I'll blog all about that on FilmAching). The hotel I'm staying at is awesome with a super hip-artsy feel to it. I'm also going to email a couple people I know out there to try and get together, but really, this is more a trip about me exploring the city by myself, having a nice adventure!
So, thats' a bit of what's going on with me. I may be a little absent again because I have a 6 page paper due Thursday and a new editing project to work on...not to mention a documentary I'm making for Stewardship...hmmm, I better get cracking...But I'll try to keep you "posted"!
Welcome to my blog!This blog is mostly my thoughts on spiritual matters, as well as other things going on in my life. Please feel free to check out my other blogs, FilmAching, and Experience the Immersion!
Recent Films
Go to my new blog, FilmAching, and check out what I've been watching and what I thought about it!
Trying to come up with some things to sing this summer... thinking about some old favorites like, You Say It Best, Landslide, That's All...and possibly an a cappela version of Bluebery Cove?
Lullabyes to sweet children
Recent and Current Books
The Faith Club
Magic Steps - Tamora Pierce (from the Circle Opens quartet)
I work in a bakery, trying to improve people's day with a smile, a good latte and good food! When I'm not working, I enjoy watching films, walking the dog and listening to a wide array of music.
