Friday, June 12, 2009

Crisis of Faith

I'm having a crisis of faith. Not my faith in God or my theology, mind you. No, I'm speaking of my faith in human decency.

I'm sorry to say I am prone to this particular crisis - it's one of the reasons I choose not to watch the news or read the newspaper on a daily basis. There's always something horrible going on to inspire doubt in my fellow humans; a car bomb here, a kidnapping there, and just plain disregard for human life.

Admittedly, my current crisis stems from a more personal place. But then, I also believe that a crime against one is a crime against all...

Gay Marriage. It's been on my mind a lot because I am doing a group project for my English class on the topic. Out of 5 people, one of our group is opposed, and there doesn't seem to be any way to get through to her. We present on July 9th, so I'm trying to hold out hope. But then, it's not just her. We surveyed the class, and almost everyone else is opposed.

It makes me want to scream and cry. I simply don't understand how these kids can think they have the right to make these hate filled decisions for everyone else.

One part that's eating away at me right now because I feel so awful about thinking/feeling this way is that many of my classmates are immigrants. I am whole-heartedly in favor of immigration...except when those immigrants want to then impose on my civil liberties. This is America, and there are plenty of countries around the world that don't have equality as the backbone to their structure, but we do, so why do you live here? (and yes, I realize that this may be one of the few places they could live... but ... ? ... maybe one of the reasons they can live here is because we try to respect human life and uphold our constitution that states that all men are created equally and have the right to the pursuit of happiness, so shoudn't they in turn respect that?)

I also will never understand how people, often Christians, can think it's their job to 'save' others from sin. What do you care? Besides all the other blatent ways in which this goes against the teachings of Jesus - let he who is without sin cast the first stone and all that - seriously, what do you care if I go to hell if you don't think you will? You want some extra brownie points when you get to heaven?

Feed the poor.
Adopt an orphan.
Donate blood.
Give change to and smile at that homeless guy, regardless of what you think he's going to spend it on.
Pick up litter.

There are so many ways to love God by loving others without HATING anyone.

I was also extremely disturbed by a comment made by a woman in my class, with whom I'd had a conversation about church the class before - "I'm a DEVOUT Christian, so I just know it's wrong." It felt as though she were saying that I wasn't a real Christian and that I am somehow intellectually inferior because I don't "know" it's wrong. Sorry, I don't know it's wrong. I don't know it's right either. I don't know much in fact. I just try to live and love in a way that makes me feel less hopeless. For all I know, God's a giant chicken.

And on that note, something silly to try and cheer myself up.

Sex with Ducks from Erika Lindhome on Vimeo.

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