Friday, November 12, 2010

If Anybody Asks You Who I Am

I promised myself another post today, and so here it is.

It's hard for me to write posts, or update my facebook status, or whatever, when I'm feeling low. I guess I just read other people's negative posts and think, wow, that person sounds so sad! But often it's just that that person had a moment of negative thoughts, and they took the opportunity to spit it on on the computer for the whole world to see, and I wonder how you move on from the negativity?

(sorry for the run-on sentence, but I lack the energy for editing tonight)

However, I know that I often feel better when I can voice my frustrations, and I can often come to an understanding of why I have those feelings and grow from that.

For example:

Last night was kind of shitty, and this morning got even worse. I knew I needed to talk to my mom, because, like, duh.

It felt so good to talk about what was bothering me (as well as a lot of stuff that was just interesting to talk about) and it helped me realize a few things. One thing I discovered is that two of my friends, while I love them both dearly, when combined, trigger the feelings of inadequacy I felt as a child growing up with an older brother and sister who were, let's face it, smarter than me in a lot of ways. These are feelings that I don't need to be having anymore, so recognizing that that's what was happening can help me prevent it in the future.

So, there it is. I still feel crappy. But I can hope that tomorrow will be better.

And I don't plan on updating my FB status with some negative BS just so I can spend all day tomorrow responding to peoples a)worried comments or b) similarly negative comments about their own lives.

Are any of us dying of hunger? Or loneliness for that matter? No? Than I think we have a lot to be positive about.

And I'm leaving you with some early Christmas Music. I know, I know. But when I feel down I listen to Christmas music. And my thinking on this one is that it's about Jesus as a baby, and he had to be a baby for more than just the one night!

I've always loved the Neal and Leandra version of this, but I just downloaded (for free!) some Christmas music from Sara Groves and that's what I'm listening to right now, so please listen with me!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Top Ten

Being that it's NaBloPoMo or whatever, I thought I better get to it and write something.

I better talk about the biggest thing in my life right now. I'll be moving out east to live with my parents for a while come December.

I know, I know - "Won't someone PLEASE think of the CHILDREN!?... who have to move back in with their parents because of this awful economy!"

But realistically, I know that's not the reason. And so, I give you my oft referred to "Top Ten Reasons for Moving to Maine":

10. It's cheaper to live with roommates who pay for your food

9. I've never lived in a smaller, college sized town, and I think I should try it before I settle down

8. I want to get a job at the gelato place by my parents house

7. I really like my parents. Seriously. We get along very well, and I'd say they are two of my best friends, and I miss them

6. Safer access to seafood

5. I have cousins that I really like but have never gotten the chance to get to know, and they mostly live within three blocks of my parents

4. Maine is closer to New York and Boston, so if I wanted to try for a job or a school in those places, the trip would be a helluva lot easier

3. I have some people, places, and things, both good and bad, here in Minnesota that I need to distance myself from to get some perspective

2. I have a documentary I have really been wanting to make, and it is set in Maine

1. It's time for a change

Monday, November 1, 2010

All Saint's Day

Today was a very sad day. My head hurts from all the crying and snuffling. It is the kind of loss that makes those of us who have faith in God question that faith. But then today at little baby Fox's memorial service I was reminded of who I think God truly is. The seats were filled with people from many walks of life; people that the media and many politicians try to devalue and degrade. But those people were there with a common purpose - to mourn and comfort together for a life lost too soon.

This is a song I've found really comforting the last few days. I'm not sure I feel the performance is quite as sorrowful as Gordon Bok's original, but this was the best one on YouTube.