If Anybody Asks You Who I Am

I promised myself another post today, and so here it is.

It's hard for me to write posts, or update my facebook status, or whatever, when I'm feeling low. I guess I just read other people's negative posts and think, wow, that person sounds so sad! But often it's just that that person had a moment of negative thoughts, and they took the opportunity to spit it on on the computer for the whole world to see, and I wonder how you move on from the negativity?

(sorry for the run-on sentence, but I lack the energy for editing tonight)

However, I know that I often feel better when I can voice my frustrations, and I can often come to an understanding of why I have those feelings and grow from that.

For example:

Last night was kind of shitty, and this morning got even worse. I knew I needed to talk to my mom, because, like, duh.

It felt so good to talk about what was bothering me (as well as a lot of stuff that was just interesting to talk about) and it helped me realize a few things. One thing I discovered is that two of my friends, while I love them both dearly, when combined, trigger the feelings of inadequacy I felt as a child growing up with an older brother and sister who were, let's face it, smarter than me in a lot of ways. These are feelings that I don't need to be having anymore, so recognizing that that's what was happening can help me prevent it in the future.

So, there it is. I still feel crappy. But I can hope that tomorrow will be better.

And I don't plan on updating my FB status with some negative BS just so I can spend all day tomorrow responding to peoples a)worried comments or b) similarly negative comments about their own lives.

Are any of us dying of hunger? Or loneliness for that matter? No? Than I think we have a lot to be positive about.

And I'm leaving you with some early Christmas Music. I know, I know. But when I feel down I listen to Christmas music. And my thinking on this one is that it's about Jesus as a baby, and he had to be a baby for more than just the one night!

I've always loved the Neal and Leandra version of this, but I just downloaded (for free!) some Christmas music from Sara Groves and that's what I'm listening to right now, so please listen with me!

Top Ten

Being that it's NaBloPoMo or whatever, I thought I better get to it and write something.

I better talk about the biggest thing in my life right now. I'll be moving out east to live with my parents for a while come December.

I know, I know - "Won't someone PLEASE think of the CHILDREN!?... who have to move back in with their parents because of this awful economy!"

But realistically, I know that's not the reason. And so, I give you my oft referred to "Top Ten Reasons for Moving to Maine":

10. It's cheaper to live with roommates who pay for your food

9. I've never lived in a smaller, college sized town, and I think I should try it before I settle down

8. I want to get a job at the gelato place by my parents house

7. I really like my parents. Seriously. We get along very well, and I'd say they are two of my best friends, and I miss them

6. Safer access to seafood

5. I have cousins that I really like but have never gotten the chance to get to know, and they mostly live within three blocks of my parents

4. Maine is closer to New York and Boston, so if I wanted to try for a job or a school in those places, the trip would be a helluva lot easier

3. I have some people, places, and things, both good and bad, here in Minnesota that I need to distance myself from to get some perspective

2. I have a documentary I have really been wanting to make, and it is set in Maine

1. It's time for a change

All Saint's Day

Today was a very sad day. My head hurts from all the crying and snuffling. It is the kind of loss that makes those of us who have faith in God question that faith. But then today at little baby Fox's memorial service I was reminded of who I think God truly is. The seats were filled with people from many walks of life; people that the media and many politicians try to devalue and degrade. But those people were there with a common purpose - to mourn and comfort together for a life lost too soon.

This is a song I've found really comforting the last few days. I'm not sure I feel the performance is quite as sorrowful as Gordon Bok's original, but this was the best one on YouTube.

church baby

Tonight was the big dinner celebration for my church's centennial. It was a big todo, and I saw many dear friends... but that's not really what i want to discuss.

I was thinking tonight that I am a church baby. When I was a baby I was, most likely, past from hand to hand, lap to lap, among the people of our church. I recall helping to collate, fold and staple mailings in the church office from a young age... and then being taken to the subway on Nicollet ave. with my mom for lunch by the minister.

Any of this sounding familiar yet?

After confirmation I was snatched up by the Mission Board to serve as a committee member as a 9th grader (I remember feeling very unqualified to determine where money should be spent, and switched to the music and arts board as soon as I could!).

I sang in church, I asked for prayers and made announcements. I was active in youth group and choir and babysat for many families in our community. Eventually I even subed as secretary during the summer months.

If you are a church baby, you know what I'm talking about.

And I realized that once I have quit working as a church secretary, I'm going to need church more than I have in recent years. Without the familiar sense of wacky community and tradition based organization, I know I would flounder and maybe lose my way.

So wish me luck in Maine. I may have to do a little church shopping to find the right temporary church home.

Friday Five: The Perfect Blendship

It's been awhile, so I'm gonna try and jump back in with a Friday Five, a little late in the day (but cut me some slack - I had to get the bulletin done first!)

If you're ever in a jam, here I am. If you're ever in a mess, S.O.S. If you're so happy, you land in jail. I'm your bail. It's friendship, friendship, just a perfect blendship. When other friendships are soon forgot, ours will still be hot.


Rev. Songbird at RevGalBlogPals writes: I'm thinking a lot about friends these days, the ones who rush to you in times of trouble, with a casserole or a socket wrench or an invitation for coffee or lunch or a trip to the foot sanctuary. We meet friends in school or on the playground or at church or in the workplace and even on the Internet. Even as blogging has experienced some decline, the community here has been strong.
For today's Friday Five, some questions about friendship.
1) Who is the first friend you remember from childhood? This may be cheating a little, because I vaguely remember playing with other children before this, but these are the first three real friends I remember. Real because they were who I first remember having that feeling of “Oh, I have to tell ____ about that as soon as I see them!” They were Phil, who lived down the block from me, and Lynn and Sharon who lived near by, were in my kindergarten class and later brownies. I have lost touch with Phil over the years, though when I have run into him I still think I had good taste in friends as a three year old! Lynn and Sharon are still two of my best friends – Sharon and I went out for drinks this last week, and I realized that I don’t just like hanging out with her because she’s known me most of my life, but because she is genuinely fun and down to earth and makes me laugh!

2) Have you ever received an unexpected gift from a friend? My BFFffff, Lydia, is one of the sweetest people in the world. Seriously. Take your grandma and multiply the sweetness. When Lyd was in college down in Iowa, we hardly ever got to see each other (compounded by the fact that she is my polar opposite, as I am sloth-like and she is a continuous ball of energy, so she is always on the go!). But she would sneakily put little notes with quotes, sometimes biblical, into my purse or school binders so that I wouldn’t find them right away. It always seemed that I would find them just when I needed her, which was a wonderful gift.

3) Is there an old friend you wish you could find again? Or have you found one via social media or the Internet? I have certainly reconnected with many old friends via facebook, but none that I have really been able to reform a strong bond with. I have one friend who I would love to get in touch with, another brownie pal, but she doesn’t appear to be on the interwebs. However, the silly thing is that her family’s name is theirs alone and her parents are listed – I could even just drive to their house since it’s the one she grew up in. But for some reason and I never reach out that far…

4) Do you like to get your good friends together in a group, or do you prefer your friends one on one? I do like group activities once and a while (karaoke anyone?), but I really like hanging out with just one or two friends at a time. I am a Capricorn through and through, so I don’t have that many good friends to begin with.

5) Does the idea of Jesus as a friend resonate with you? Yes and no. Yes when I sing songs like What a Friend We Have in Jesus. I guess it really feels more abstract… when Lydia does something so kind for me, or Sharon asks me how I’m doing, wanting to know the real answer, I see and feel Jesus in those actions, the actions of friends.

No because I often feel a bit maternal towards him. Is that weird? Maybe it’s just the Christmas fever I’ve got talking, but first Jesus is this little baby who, like all babies, reminds us of what it means to be human, bringing it down to a basic, primal level. Then Jesus grows up and says, “whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.” And that makes me think of the way we try to help cloth and feed the poor and bring comfort to the suffering, which are all acts that connect me with my maternal nature. So yeah, I guess part friend part child part parent… man, that Jesus gets around!

the picture above is Lydia and me out to lunch during her graduation weekend

Spring is Here, whoa-whoa-whoa

So much going on lately, sheesh! I'm really only posting this because I am putting off writing an email to the director of one of our projects, because I really dislike her and just want to be done with this project already so I never have to speak to her again!!!! ugh.

School is...meh. But there's only two weeks left, so like my mom always says, "in two weeks it'll be over, no matter what happens!"

This coming Saturday we are having a BIG party to celebrate the end of the year. It's gonna be pretty epic since we are starting at 2pm and going to at least 2am!

And speaking of Epic, we're all trying to make sure we have everything perfect by May 14th so we can submit to the EPIC Fest, the film fest our student club puts on at the end of the year to highlight student work (that's on May 30th). We are having it at the Bedlam Theater, which is a fabulous location and I can't wait!!

Meanwhile, I went up to Luck this last weekend for my great-Aunt and Uncle's estate sale where I scored a ton of awesome stuff, including a salad keeper and a covered cake pan!! Saawweett!!

Tomorrow the community choir I have been singing with will be doing our first full concert of the year for a retirement home, so I'm pretty pumped about that. That's where the title of this post came from because we are singing a 60s medley that includes "Going to the Chapel" ... Birds all sing. as. if they knew!

Anyway, it's time to bite the bullet and write that email. I probably won't be back for a couple weeks, so have a good one!!

Friday Five: Packin' Bags!!

Song Bird posted over at RevGalBlogPals for this week's Friday Five (go to the link for the DL on the impetus for the theme)

...here are five questions about packing to go on a trip.

1) Some fold, some roll and some simply fling into the bag. What's your technique for packing clothes?
I like to fold. Before I worked in retail I would role, but then I developed almost an anxiety over clothes that don't sit in a nice little stack.

2) The tight regulations about carrying liquids on planes makes packing complicated. What might we find in your quart-size bag? Ever lose a liquid that was too big?
I've never lost a liquid - I traveled once recently with only a carry-on, and since it was only for a weekend, it was pretty easy to put things in little tiny containers. The liquids I can't do without are: Aveda's Scalp Benefits Shampoo, Aveda's Smooth Infusion hair stuff (and now that I do my hair curly some days, the Curl Enhancer), face lotion and my neutrogena liquid make-up. I also throw in my other make-up just in case because I would die if they took my lipstick away!!

3) What's something you can't imagine leaving at home?
My phone charger. I did that at Christmas. I was able to use my aunt's until she went home, but when I stayed on a few more days, it was awful! All my friends wanted to text about my upcoming party and I had to have my phone off most of the time!

4) Do you have a bag with wheels?
I do. I got a set of three bags back when I was getting ready to come home from New York. They are sand colored and both the bog suitcase and the medium size one which, which is like a duffle bag, have wheels. Very nice, except I don't really need the pull out handle on the big one since it is almost as tall as my waist, so I just drag it by the regular handle!

5) What's your favorite reading material for a non-driving trip (plane, train, bus, ship)? Well, I get motion sickness from reading too much, so I stick to magazines for the plane that I can browse through in the few minutes when electronic devices are not allowed. My favorites are Real Simple, Ready Made (DIY tips) and Paste (music, art, film...culture stuff). Otherwise, I'm really more of an iPod user... music, podcasts, tv shows.


Well, this definitely makes me want to take a trip! But the next one on the forecast for me isn't till August But that will be a fun one!!

And in honor of that trip, here's a song about traveling from one of my favorite Michigan artists - Dar Williams!



EDIT: I also just posted on my Experience the Immersion blog - check it out!

Snowy Monday Musings

• It’s snowing like a banshee, but I don’t seem to mind.

• The snow seems to have a time warp affect, which makes me feel as though I am inside a snow globe where the day flies by, but outside time is standing still.
• The weather also makes me want to socialize, oddly enough. Wanting what I can’t have?
• My new phone… so exciting! Could this be the end of forgotten engagements and wasted time on the bus?!
• Family… with Mommy and Daddy working, I can no longer pretend that they still live a few miles away. Seeing a movie with the Comrade only made me long for those summer days of going to matinees in almost empty theaters even more. Radio silence from Cordelia Knits – just her way of getting things done.
• School… how long before I’m done again? How can it be that in only 4 months I’ll have helped produce and edit two short films, as well as put on a student showcase? No rest for the wicked… or something like that.
• Having supervisor’s seek and appreciate my input is a highlight in my week when it happens. I feel like this is both contrary to my generation’s reputation to thinking everything they do is amazing, and right in line with our propensity to be happiest when authority figures are pleased with us.

That’s it for now. Just kind of felt like sayin some stuff… probably because I am deprived of having my daily stream of consciousness conversations with Mommy!